Go postal!

Well, it seems that people are at it again! A California postal worker has gone on a shooting spree and shot everyone at the job! The horror! The strange thing is, in my line of work, this happens on Tuesday.

Sometimes the stresses of life get to you. At times, it is easy to succumb to feelings of hopelessness and feel the urge to lash out at society. In my line of work, I find people everyday that are in these same types of desolate situations….

I AM AN AMERICAN SOLDIER

Just the other day, I was pulled over by military police. They searched the trunk of the Cadillac, looking for some guy that shot his wife…

My neighbor and his wife separated because she now has hard-core pornographic movies available on the Internet. Her husband was in Iraq when they were made.

This one soldier came home from Iraq to find that his wife is one month pregnant, and he had only been home for one week! I am quite sure that he wanted to shoot a bunch of people over that!

There is even a situation where a soldier got “accidentally” shot in a training drill.

I work where people shoot themselves in the head on a regular basis; where alcoholism and destructive behavior is commonplace. Killing is the number one job function for most people in my line of work; mental stability is commonly misplaced in my opinion. I go to the range tomorrow! Yay!

Anyway, I am a medic. If you want to get an eyewitness account of what it is like to do my job, turn on the news. The coverage of the ABC reporters that were injured in Iraq, basically describes the type of work I do.

At least when I get out of the military, I have first dibs on a postal job! I know I am psychotic enough for that! (Sarcasm)

A More Perfect Union

Tonight, the president will give his state of the union address. His approval rate is down; in fact, it is the worst of his presidential term. If I were the president, I would address the following issues.

Security

Americans have been living in a state of terror; we've been living every moment as if the proverbial skeletons in the closet will sneak out and attack us the moment we close our eyes to go to sleep. People do not need to feel as if they are unsecured unless providing the security is a means of controlling the masses. I hope control through terror is not the goal. The constant existence of the terror threat level and its related fluctuation possibilities leaves me with a sense of impending doom that I depend on the government to alleviate, without controlling my mind.

Human Rights

I want to be able to fly on a plane if I so choose. I want to be able to have a private telephone call if I choose. I want to be able to make a purchase without being tracked or read a website or a book without someone looking over my shoulder. I want access to health care. I don’t want to starve because I am too old to work. I want the right to express disapproval of my leadership and I want the right to be able to choose who leads me. In a sense, give me freedom.

Technology

As an American, I am tired of being a slave to the price of gas. It affects the cost of everything around me and there is really no control. Why should the price of oil control whether I can afford to buy certain foods or visit my family on vacation? There has to be a better way to fuel our lives and base the economy; I hope there is a way that Americans can gain some control. I also hope the president opens access to stem cell research, genetically modified food research, and better defines Internet and related information dissemination laws.

Standard of living

I want access to education, housing, food and shelter, in an environment where I feel that my family and I can thrive. I do not want to pay unnecessary taxes. In fact, I welcome taxes that are distributed fairly. Why would I want to pay taxes to bail out airlines when I am afraid to fly for example? (I am not afraid to fly, but I want smooth roads for my Cadillac to travel, and I will pay taxes for that.)

That’s about it. I am not increasingly political due to my having to be impartial in order to perform my duties as a soldier, but I still vote. With that being said, I do have issues that a voter should be concerned with.

What principles do you think, should a government and a society be built upon?

the run down

I have been so busy as of late.

Here’s the run down:

I have been getting treated for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). This is most likely a result to the stimulus I was exposed to in war. I am a combat veteran, having served in over 350 combat missions under Operation Iraqi Freedom as a medic. I have been feeling bouts of anxiety and depression as of late (for a while) and I decided to go talk to a doctor about it, since I feel I was I denial about the whole situation. The doctor believed I needed to be treated for PTSD. I got to see a psychiatrist now. How embarrassing.

I have quit drinking. Well, the doctor gave me some medication that I am not allowed to drink with, so I haven’t. I don’t even have the desire to drink physically. Sometimes I get into social situations where I am used to drinking, but I have decided to chase women and be sober instead of drinking. What a substitution I know…. I could be taking this medication for the long term, so drinkingis out. I don't miss it one bit. I feel freer than I ever have. Actually, I feel great; i feel better than I ever have in my life.

I am preparing to separate from the Army. Yeah, I get out of the Army soon. I am a little anxious. I feel as if the medication that the doctor is giving me is causing me to feel better, but I don’t know if I will be able to afford to take it after I get out of the Army I also have become a bit institutionalized from the military lifestyle and I will need a little time to become “deprogrammed”. In addition, my day-to-day job is becoming more and more difficult, but more fulfilling at the same time. I am preparing my soldiers on how to carry on in my absence.

When I get out of the Army, I am trying to go back to school, I am trying to get into a certificate program, which last about a semester. Afterwards, I want to attend culinary school and get a related degree.

I also want to go on vacation. I am ready to go anywhere. I am preferential to places in the United States. It’s soon time for a road trip.

That’s about it.

I am busy/ crazy/ anxious/ etcetera.

C’est la vie.

Honest Answer

I believe that humans have lost the propensity for truth and honesty. Take this quiz and honestly evaluate your answers within yourself. Don’t let two fist-full of questions beat you up. Honesty is easy. Try it.

Is it wrong to tell a lie?

Is it possible to live without telling lies?

How much of the truth can be omitted, before that truth becomes a blatant lie?

Have you ever found yourself lying so that you could get better access to money or sex?

Do you tell lies without realizing you are doing it?

Is lying free speech?

What is the difference between lying, exaggeration and bullshitting?

Is it wrong to tell a lie in order to prevent pain and suffering?

Are humans born with the desire to lie or is it a learned trait?

What do you think about human nature?

let freedom ring.

What do you value?

There are several freedoms that I enjoy that add to my pursuit of leading a meaningful life.

I can pursue education and enlightenment.

I can participate in and provide mentoring to my family and friends.

I celebrate the freedom to show the capacity for love and to be open to receive love as well.

I appreciate living in a society where I do not fear for my personal safety or the safety of my family.

I find satisfaction in showing charity and compassion for those less fortunate than myself.

I find importance in being able to belong to something greater than the unit of self.

It is important to be able to feed, clothe and shelter yourself and provide these things for your family.

I find importance in being treated with fairness.

It is truly valuable to see the beauty in life.

The thing that I value include:

Solitude

Security

Style

Loyalty

Selflessness

Intelligent conversation

Good food

Time with my daughter

The feeling of accomplishment that comes with a job well done.

A good laugh.

What do you think is important and meaningful in life? What do you value?

What do you believe about gods and their nature?

I believe in GOD.

I believe GOD is personal to each of us.

My GOD does not have the propensity to be evil, however my GOD will allow me to stumble and fall, in order to allow me to learn a lesson.

I believe GOD is above man.

I believe that no man will truly know GOD.

I believe that communication with GOD extends beyond the 5 senses which humans are familiar.

My GOD in omnipotent and hears my pleas.

My GOD is the creator of my universe and has the power to destroy it, but I don’t believe he will.

My GOD is not jealous of Vengeful.

The belief in GOD allows for social behavioral constraint.

Belief I GOD allows me to be humble.

I believe that GOD allows for the existance of hope.

On a separate note, I was born a Christian.

this is an extention of a thought found @ dvalin darkdale .

What do you believe about gods and their nature?

You Are Being Followed

Don’t look now…

But…

If you carry a cell phone…

You are being followed.

Long gone are the days when your privacy was a valued commodity.

There is no such thing as personal secure communications.

With the wave of a finger, the president can listen to you order a pizza on your cell phone.

Long gone are the days when a personal conversation between two people will remain private, due to celluar surveillance devices.

Is Your Cell Phone Ratting on You?

Cellphones are equipped with GPS these days even.

Anyone could know where you are, within 5 feet, as long as you can receive a cell phone signal.

Now you can even buy hard copies of cellular contacts!

(AmericaBlog has a current post relating to this phenomenon including how ones cell phone records for sale LocateCell.com .

This isn’t Fantasy Island.

This is real life.

In a world where remote control guided missiles can be guided directly into an area the size of a door or window from miles away, having a cell phone could make you the X that marks the spot.

Now being a fugitive will be impossible?

Now the U.S. will catch Osama Bin Laden as soon as he sends a text message?

Now I know exactly where that sexy young lady is when she doesn’t answer her phone…

Big brother is watching.

I don’t like what he sees.

memories of "the kid"

Sometimes as I get ready for bed, I think of my daughter as I remember what it was like to tuck her into her bed at night. I remember how she was scared of the dark, so I comforted her the best that I could. She slept so soundly. Sometimes, I see other kids playing in my neighborhood, and I look to see if they were playing games that she would enjoy. When I was at the grocery store the other day, I overheard a little girl asking her mother for some school snacks. It made me smile, but inside it hurt that I had no one to buy school snacks for. Today, I brought some Girl Scout cookies from a real live girl scout, I know I don’t need the cookies, but that girl reminded me of “the kid”. I brought an extra box on top of the box I didn’t need. I gave a rundown of all the places to go roller-skating in town just yesterday, like I was an expert. I took down the 2005 calendar she made for me, personalized with her mug shot. I will put it in the photo album. Her bedroom remains untouched, as if she will return to it. She will not. I will remember fondly dancing with her in the living room still.
“The kid” will remain with her mother for the time being, and I hear from “the kid” very little and see her none. Sometimes I feel that is the best thing. When I remember “the kid”, which I do often, I always feel sad. Her mother lives so far away. When I think of the circumstances surrounding the separation of me from my family I am saddened. I always think of what could I have done to rectify the situation. Her mother just left. Sure, times were tough, but I didn’t beat her mother or… whatever… I can’t rationalize the irrational. I wish her mother well, but I still wonder if she knows the emptiness and sadness she imparted when she took away my daughter. Memories are still fond, even in sadness. Yeah, I really call her “the kid”. (smile) I wish she were here now. I'd kiss her on her forehead and send her to bed, making sure the nightlight was on...

dance into the horizon

My dancing timeline

I was born 197x.

Early 198x: I danced in the Soul Train line at my parents wedding (ghetto but true)

1982: I danced like Michael Jackson, to the delight of my parents (how weird)

1984: I was exposed to the world of break dancing via the cult classic Breakin’.

My first public display of break dancing as me and my stepbrother’s “crew’ gave a live break dancing demonstration in the movie theater lobby.

I became part of a “crew”; I was a full-fledged, linoleum carrying, break dance battler in my ‘hood.

1987: I received my first non break dance lesson from a FINE young thang in my hood. She taught me to do the “Alf” and the “Cabbage Patch”. I did no more break dancing….

1988: I was well versed in all of the Kid and Play kick steps and was skilled as Scoop and Scrap Lover in hip-hop dance.

I danced at my first and last school dance with a female. I was no good at it… (I was in the ninth grade or so...)

1991: My sister and I entered a talent show in which I rapped and danced while wearing MC Hammer inspired, paisley printed, gold lame outfits. (With HARD hoodsJ)

1992: I took a class on how to waltz given by the lovely ladies of Delta Sigma Theta (I will always have a special spot in my heart for a DST lady.)

2000: I took my then wife for our first and last night of dancing….

2003: I taught my daughter the waltz.

2006: I contemplate dancing lessons after realizing, I really can not dance and I really could never dance.

This past weekend I went out for a dinner with some friends. Afterwards they wanted to go dancing… It was salsa dancing at that. There were plenty of beautiful women to dance salsa with but I am unskilled at dancing. What can I say? I looked fun. I saw Master P on Dancing with The Stars this weekend. Let’s just say, he is no Jerry Rice and neither am I. I was always envious of those who could dance well. Jealousy is no way to live your life. I may just take up ballroom dancing. It can't be that gay. Evander Holyfield does it and he can knock out everyone I know! Every time I see True Lies, I always wish that I could tango Like Schwarzenegger with Tia Carrere (who was fabulous on Dancing With the Stars by the way…) My only issue with dancing is the same issue that I have with woman in general. It's like a woman will show up and be like “please me” and I am supposed to dance her out of her glass slipper. Well, I am no more the prince than she is the Cinderella. Yet-and-still, becoming a proficient dancer may be the answer to a lot of my internal conflicts. Strange but true… I always felt as if my inability to dance always held me back socially. Maybe I will fall for a non-cooking dance instuctor. I secretly yearn for the day that i will dance into the horizon. That would taste so good.

food for thought

I love to cook.

I love to eat.

I love to go grocery shopping.

In fact there is not much about food that I do not appreciate, except washing dishes (sigh). Over the course of time, I have become a pretty good cook. The wild thing is I specialize in cooking for one. So be it, but there is no one to help me with the dishes. Oh well. There are also half the dishes? Not quite. There definitely is no one to complain about my cooking. The only complaint I usually get is I make people fat with my cooking. What are you eating for dinner? Did you make enough for four or did you cook for one? Do you eat healthy? Myself, I’d like to say I eat pretty healthy. I have vices that I have developed over the course of time that may not be healthy such as using real, salted butter instead of margarine. Just some things, the choice is difficult. What am I eating tonight? Mixed mushrooms and Basil fettuccine tossed in pesto and olive oil. Heineken. I also will eat a slice of marinated mozzarella and Caesar salad (no parmesan) with tomato. I drove past an Olive Garden restaurant yesterday. Perhaps I need some bread too…

I can tell how I feel, by what I eat. I should do a dietary biorhythm since I rarely do menus. Just a thought.

cloning

I was listening to Immortal Technique’s Black Cargo and in one song the interesting description was painted of scientists extracting the DNA of Jesus from the cross and cloning him in order to bring him back to life. Though I discounted the depiction as fanatical conspiracy theory, I still entertained the thought for a minute. What if the limitations of cloning were revealed and conquered?

• What if extracted DNA could be used to create an exact replica of its source, including personality and age, to include experience and memory?
• Could it be possible that spare parts for humans be “farmed”?
• Is cloning the answer to eternal life or age regression?
• Is it wrong to use cloning to eradicate disease and suffering?
• What would happen if cloning lead to the emergence of eradicated diseases or long gone evils if the world?
• How would life be if everyone were the same?

I think genetic imperfections and variety in life are the reason that life is worth living. I have no problem with the concept that I will not live forever. Life is a beautiful portrait, framed by the limitations imposed by death. I accept the whole picture. When I am gone, I hope that the life I have led would have been unique, leaving a solitary thumbprint in the infinite wrinkle of the universe. I do not want to be cloned.

is it wrong?

is it wrong for someone to go through life thinking everyone that they meet will let them down? perhaps.
the jury isn't in yet...

Repost from December 2004and May 2005

*i deleted these blog posts by mistake

I admit, responsibly (from May 2005)

Ever since 1994, there has been a special place in my life for alcohol consumption. I have been known to drink well; i have been known to drink poorly. I have always appreciated the effects of ethanol consumption in my life.

I may be an alcoholic.

How would one determine if alcohol is an inhibiting factor in one's life? Does the consumption of ETOH need to cause chaos and wreak havoc on a drinker's personal infrastructure or cause the drinker bodily harm before it deemed to be problematic? I wonder... my issue with alcohol consumption is the same issue I have with life. i take shots with responsibility.

Well before I ever had a drink of alcohol, the "nectar" was omnipotent in my atmosphere. I cannot recall a single adult who did not consume alcohol to some degree. Drinking was an endemic activity to all of my family gatherings; I found most to be enjoyable. That is all the more reason to drink.

When I was thirteen, my stepmother was involved in a drunk driving accident. That, as tragic as it may seem, never was viewed to be a deterrent to drinking, only an exclamation to drinking responsibly. What is responsible drinking anyway?

In a different light, I would observe that i come from a long line of alcohol abusers. It just seems that the abusers in my family conduct their alcoholism responsibly. We get our drink on in the privacy of our own homes; away from the dangers of the world...

I think alcohol consumption keeps me from the world...

(More to come)

new world odor (from december 2004)

i am easily addicted to media
i love to satisfy my observation senses, yet and still
i never let anyone close enough to know
the media immediately close to my soul
i am an island unto myself
isolated from the love of the world
wrapped in the blanket of relative insignificance
pro-soliloquoy
i choose not to be
should i be concerned with the freedom of the world
my soul is imprisoned
no chance for parole
then again
house arrest may be appropriate
share isolation
digitally divided
mentally multiplied
theoretically masturbated
love for self-hatred
viva la dead

never is a word
that always seems to convey
possibility

i could not retrieve the responses that were associated with thes posts... if you are looking for them, i apologize. also, if you were looking to post a response to my last post, I apologize for having the comments section turned off. it was my mistake...

Yes, this is for my audience. This is a public display after all... I still maintain that I write for self- evaluation/ enjoyment. Well, there you go. you enjoy, while i self evualute.

the other side of the tracks

Race relations have been on my mind a lot these days. It is one subject that I always ponder the realization of its existence. However, most people view racial discussions as if it were a boil on the face... if you ignore it, it may not bust; but if you bother it, it may be a mess... the common notion is, why do I have to be black or white, or Asian, etcetera? Why can’t I just be me? That would be nice in a perfect world, but we don’t live in a perfect world, do we? There always will be a classification of people that will extend beyond their name and occupation. People will be grouped into clusters that identify them. It just so happens that racial classification is the easiest to do…

I have always been a victim of stereotypes whether I choose to be or not. Stereotypes suck, but they exist.

* Italians are mobsters.
* Mexicans carry a knife.
* Haitians know voodoo.
* White man can’t jump.

I am expected to be the athlete and not the student.

Who knows where these stereotypes come from? I am willing to bet they came from a lack of understanding or proliferation of intolerance. Characterization is prevalent in media, which often highlights the most extreme cases. Hence, characterizations are often caricatures.

I recently saw a movie where that was the case. Crash was a mosaic of social caricatures, which seemed to miss the reality of respective situations for sake of sensationalism. I found it a lot less easy to swallow in comparison to movies such as Higher Learning or Do the Right Thing. Do the right thing purposely HAD caricatures and was easier to relate than crash…

I think I will watch a Spike Lee movie… I never saw Bamboozled…

When I was younger, my family befell a small windfall of money and we were able to finance a home to own. We moved to a rancher style home in a neighborhood that was victim to urban sprawl from one of the most crime-infested areas in the United States. I learned what racism was when the white folks moved away and the black folks moved in. At one point, there were only two white families in my neighborhood… Well one family was Italian. Anyhow, these two families managed to forge real close friendships between them. I now recognize the strength in their unity. I had nothing against them. In fact, I am glad that they stayed. One family's son managed to even date the other family's daughter. That white boy was the fastest dude I knew! Plus, he was my friend too. I didn't stay there for long... I then moved to Florida, where racism is still alive and well.

I attended a school in 1988 that wasn’t desegregated until 1978. I moved to a neighborhood that was definitely segregated by the boundaries of a railroad track. The school was less than 10 percent black and the black kids stuck together… I then went to a Historically Black College or University in the state of Florida. I then realized that racism and racial stereotypes were everywhere and people used them to their advantage as well…

I am not attempting to give a history of racism. I am just reflecting on how I discovered racism at the same time that I was discovering myself. When I take into account my placement in society in a reflective manner, it serves my best interest to include the fact that I am a black man. Otherwise, I will be reminded by the cruel world…

When I cross those railroad tracks, I have to have my game face on. I find that it serves me best to congregate with those who visit my temple of familiar... It is not because I want to be either. It is because, I know, when the sun goes down, on what side of the tracks I need to be.