driving is anger.

driving is anger waiting to happen.
the world has been inundated with the sounds of driving.
call it noise pollution even.
listen.

when the door chimes when my door is ajar,
anger.
when trucks have back up beeps as a warning,
anger.
when someone's car stereo is louder than mine,
anger.
when the engine wont turn over,
anger.
when some one changes my music,
anger.
when i hear my brakes squeal,
anger.
when the police pull me over,
anger.
when my power steering grinds,
anger.
when someone's car alarm goes off,
anger.
when i skid to a stop,
anger.
when a fast car whizzes by,
anger.
when my car stereo stops working,
anger.
when someone gets out of the car,
walks 20 feet,
turns around,
just to press the automatic door lock button,
anger.
above all,
i feel the most intense anger,
when people blow their horn.

can you shut up and drive?
impossible...
oops,
here i go,
talking to the damn car again.
anger.

who is phil?

who is phil?
when i was in iraq, there was this guy named "phil", whom we soldiers had come to know and value. phil was the type of guy that in america we'd call a hustler. not that he was one to hustle you for your your money, but he definitelty hustled for the money.when we soldiers first got to iraq, we couldn't go out and openly barter for the things that we could acquire freely in the united states. Soldiers were desperate to get there hands on the three (4) things that kill most americans, tobacco, soft drinks, and fast food (phil never sold alcohol as far as i know). anyhow, phil had the hook-up and a desire to earn some money from us americans, controversial as it may seem. to understand phil, one needs to understand the climate of the region to which we were intertwined. before the iraqi invasion, phil was already a businessman; he owned a ice cream shoppe/ sandwich shoppe. after the coalition led, invasion of iraq, the value of the iraqi money had diminished to be virtually worthless. there was stable american money to be earned from american soldiers, however. to possess american currency, as an iraqi business man is at conflict. one one hand, to take money from an american soldier is to side with the enemy in the eyes of anti coalition forces, which are seemingly ubiquitous in iraq. on the other hand, to not take the money would be to not put food in the mouths of your children.nonetheless, we american soldiers always parted with are hard earned money at "phils". Some american soldiers disliked phil's operation since he was the ethnicity of the combatant forces that we faced on a daily basis. rumors about phil's allegience and security ran ranpant. it was even rumored that the money that we spent at phil's was used to buy the very weapons that were used against us.

phil was a flexible merchant. he was the type of guy who you could be like, i need "a case of cigars" and he would tell you how much it would cost and he would deliver. his restaurant consisted mainly of a grill, a spit, a table a refrigerator,and a cash register. there also was a bodega where cases of soda, tobacco, bootleg dvds, and foriegn chocolate could be acessesed. phil would takt the money that we traded for products and travel to the metropolis where he reupped. lets, just say this: phil sold case's of soda for 10 dollars, he paid about a dollar for them. he was iraqi rich!!! with material wealth comes jealousy. needless to say, phil remained strapped when not dealing with soldiers. when you carry as much money as phil had, someone is bound to want to take it away.

get you a schwarma
i always went to phil's to get a sandwich. we soldiers soon grow tired over the available rations that we receive and yearn for the comforts of home, such as the ability to choose what we have for lunch. there was a sandwich that attracted me to go to phil's bodega specifically. that sanwhich was defined as the schwarma. there are very different ways to get a schwarma. phil served his on a long torpedo roll. the filling was one of either spit rosted beef ,chicken or lamb. ip referred to spit roasted lamb, but rumors circulating, speculating the origin of said lamb prompted phil to stop serving the lamb. i then chose chicken out of default. the chicken breasts were piled high on a spit and slow roasted with an onion topping the meat for flavor. the chicken of the region is definitely more gamey and not atypical of poultry found in the United States.
why free trade is good.
a schwarma recipe cane be fund here.

why do i mention this?
well, phil is dead.
phil was murdered while resupplying his shoppe.
his family was kidnapped.
his son was killed as well.
they were killed because they believed in some of the things that americans take for granted everyday.
things such as:
free market economy
democracy
freedom of choice
fast food.

in my eyes phil was more revolutionary than ray kroc, the founder of mcdonalds.
a big mac never made me feel as free as eating a schwarma.

i must be high, to root for ricky williams.

true, ricky williams is a professional football player in the NFL. He plays a game that many young kids dream of doing professionally when they reach adulthood. when he enters the arena, people scream his name, cheering fanatically. the people that cheer for ricky williams cheer for various reasons. some people root for the man because they want marijuana legalized. some people root for him because they want to see a grand show (after all, they are paying). some people are even legitimate fans of his team. i root for ricky williams success on the field because i identify with his struggle, a struggle which most times is undefined. in my opinion, mr. williams was on a search for the answers that satisfies ones soul and gives them validity to continue the desperate struggle commonly called life. sure, that validity can be found for some in overwhelming public or private success, or through the accumulation of some godforsaken measurable amount of wealth, both of which mr. williams has received. he has set records and achieved personal accomplishments that anyone could be proud of. what is it that should truly make him happy, or give him the will to thrive?i think mr. williams was looking for self-fulfillment by satisfaction of placement in relation to his true destiny. in order to get there, one must do a reverse itinerary and identify where the true destiny lies.

sometimes i think it is the search that keeps us willing to thrive. the best thing you can give a man who has everything is a wish list. when everything that you could ever want is at your beck and whim, what is there to reach for? the unfamiliar is truly amazing, yet, the more i discover, the less i wish i was exposed to. when i make it to eldorado, i will probably catch the first midnight train to georgia...

My funeral

I ask you this question: how do you want to be remembered? Keep in mind, the question is NOT how would you choose to die or what do want your legacy to consist of. I am asking, what type of memorial do you desire? Personally, I hope that when I die that I am offered a funeral of some sort.

What type of funeral?

Before the hurricane Katrina blasted through, I used to want a New Orleans Funeral. If you’ve never witnessed a New Orleans funeral procession, there is one famously enshrined in the James Bond movie Live and Let Die. The funeral cortege parades through the streets of NOLA with lots of live jazz music and dancing. It is a procession that is mildly somber, but a celebration nonetheless. When I leave, I want to shout, “it’s a celebration bitches!!!”

Then again, it would be interesting to be the guest of honor at a “spread my ashes out to sea”. Though I am not much of an oceanic person, I have lived near the Atlantic Ocean coastline and can point to many landmarks in my life and relate them to the water. Perhaps the best spot that I could think of would be at the rock pier (yes, a pier made of large rocks) that emerges into the jetty at Ponce de Leon inlet, near New Smyrna Beach, Florida. I would want someone close to me to just walk to the end of the pier and toss my remains as far as possible via football shaped urn. I’ll call it my final two-point conversion.

Being in the United States military and serving during wartime, I have become accustomed to associating death with the military funeral. There are several different types of military funeral and I’d most like the “field memorial, in which the song taps is played by alone bugler and a 21 gun salute. There would also be a photo of me at the alter along with a m16, combat boots and a set of dog tags, arranged in traditional form. I am not interested in the formal type of military funeral, complete with flag draped casket, unless I am to be buried at Arlington Cemetery. Then I want to be buried in my military dress uniform (class A’s).

I also would like to get one of those soon to be classic thug funerals. You know, the ones where everyone shows up wearing a tee shirt silk-screened with your image across the front. You know, the type of funeral that boasts real hood music. Some of the music I’d like played at my thug funeral would include:

• Change Gon’ Come- Sam Cooke
• So Hard too Say Good Bye- Boys II Men
• Moment of Silence- Quan
• Gansta Lean- DRS
• Blackberry Molasses- Mista
• Crossroads- Bone Thugs n Harmony-
• P. Diddy- missing you

And yes, I want there to be some damn liquor poured…I don’t even care what kind it is.

I wouldn’t want a “dress in black” funeral at the local Baptist church…

Who would attend my funeral? The funeral isn’t intended for the deceased as it is intended for the survivors. Why would I care? I would hope that someone mourns me. I would hope that I left an impression on someone in my life. I foresee minimal attendance in my funeral. Hell, I might not even go…

Fascination of the non-believer/ believer relationship.

Religion is a strange concept to most.

The concept of religion has always been at the forefront of my being.

When I was in the seventh grade, I used to play all day on Saturday, then go to church (Baptist) on Sunday and pray that my homework would be miraculously done when I got home. GOD performs miracles doesn’t he? Every time that I got home, my homework was undone. Perhaps, learning to believe in myself was the specific miracle to be performed. However, I never seemed to get definitive proof of the validity of importance of religion, so I discuss below some thoughts.

To believe in concepts that cannot be proven definitively, is the basis of most religions.
In my opinion, the term, "religious debate" is redundant.
Religion, for the most part, does no follow the fundamental tenets of science, which revolves around the scientific method, which is described below:

• 1. Observe some aspect of the universe.
• 2. Invent a tentative description, called a hypothesis, which is consistent with what you have observed.
• 3. Use the hypothesis to make predictions.
• 4. Test those predictions by experiments or further observations and modify the hypothesis in the light of your results.
• 5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 until there are no discrepancies between theory and experiment and/or observation.

When I say, "for the most part, I mean, the 'religious process' is similar to the ‘scientific process’, up to part 4.5 in the ‘scientific process’. When the concept of 'modifying the hypothesis' is reached in the religious realm, religious folks tend to skip this step and go straight to, 'there are no discrepancies between theory and experiment and/or observation.’ which is malarkey. (wtf is malarkey?) As seasons change, so does the environment. Religious law will never be scientific law.

With that being said, I’d like to discuss the behavior of most non-religious folks. The non-religious often employs the scientific method to observe religious folks (step 1). Then the non-religious folks typically make predictions such as, 'religious folks should behave identically to their preconceived concepts of ideal of human behavior', which is usually a difficult status to obtain (step two). Non-religious folks expect the religious practitioners to be perfectly steadfast in their lifestyle and identity (step 3). In fact, the accomplishment of living the previous lifestyle is more of a quest than a destination. Non-religious folks seem to think that the religious should already be shining examples of their religious bedrock. That often is not the case. The truly religious strive to be improved, but that doesn't mean that they are better. This is where step 4 comes in; non- religious folks should modify what it is perceived to be religious. It is obvious that the most religious person is less than perfect. Why then, through constant observations of that phenomenon do the non- religious expect the religious to be perfect? that is implausible, and it is time for the non-religious to 'modify the hypothesis in the light of your results'.

rhetorical question to self

what do i have to possess in order to be successful?
health?
education?
family?
honor?
money market accounts?
ambition?
wives?
eternal life?
cars?

religion?
time?
homes?
checking accounts?
religion?
stimulation?
friends?
morals?
security?
slaves?
happiness?
integrity?
followers?
toys?
acknowledgement?

solitude?
loyalty?
food?
bills?
freedom?
women?
respect?
enemies?

love?
employees?
luck?
neighbors?
conflict?
bonds?
more bedrooms?
jewelry?
tools?
relief?
answers?
duty?
oxygen?
discipline?
opportunity?
clothing?
muscles?
drugs?
sanity?
life?
savings accounts?
books?
shelter?
friends?
electronics?
peace?
stocks?
life?
possessions?
lists?
questions?

LIFE

sure, i look good.
why do i feel hollow?
there are pieces missing.
will i find them tommorrow?
will external extravagance
be internal equivalent?
this life it be a marathon,
and i am up to finish it.
somebody tell me
if happiness is
a honorable ambition
'cause i got suspicions.
i'm hopin'/ wishin'
to renew subscriptions
to periodical that they call LIFE.