Repost from December 2004and May 2005

*i deleted these blog posts by mistake

I admit, responsibly (from May 2005)

Ever since 1994, there has been a special place in my life for alcohol consumption. I have been known to drink well; i have been known to drink poorly. I have always appreciated the effects of ethanol consumption in my life.

I may be an alcoholic.

How would one determine if alcohol is an inhibiting factor in one's life? Does the consumption of ETOH need to cause chaos and wreak havoc on a drinker's personal infrastructure or cause the drinker bodily harm before it deemed to be problematic? I wonder... my issue with alcohol consumption is the same issue I have with life. i take shots with responsibility.

Well before I ever had a drink of alcohol, the "nectar" was omnipotent in my atmosphere. I cannot recall a single adult who did not consume alcohol to some degree. Drinking was an endemic activity to all of my family gatherings; I found most to be enjoyable. That is all the more reason to drink.

When I was thirteen, my stepmother was involved in a drunk driving accident. That, as tragic as it may seem, never was viewed to be a deterrent to drinking, only an exclamation to drinking responsibly. What is responsible drinking anyway?

In a different light, I would observe that i come from a long line of alcohol abusers. It just seems that the abusers in my family conduct their alcoholism responsibly. We get our drink on in the privacy of our own homes; away from the dangers of the world...

I think alcohol consumption keeps me from the world...

(More to come)

new world odor (from december 2004)

i am easily addicted to media
i love to satisfy my observation senses, yet and still
i never let anyone close enough to know
the media immediately close to my soul
i am an island unto myself
isolated from the love of the world
wrapped in the blanket of relative insignificance
pro-soliloquoy
i choose not to be
should i be concerned with the freedom of the world
my soul is imprisoned
no chance for parole
then again
house arrest may be appropriate
share isolation
digitally divided
mentally multiplied
theoretically masturbated
love for self-hatred
viva la dead

never is a word
that always seems to convey
possibility

i could not retrieve the responses that were associated with thes posts... if you are looking for them, i apologize. also, if you were looking to post a response to my last post, I apologize for having the comments section turned off. it was my mistake...

Yes, this is for my audience. This is a public display after all... I still maintain that I write for self- evaluation/ enjoyment. Well, there you go. you enjoy, while i self evualute.