satisfactory condition

time for confession.
i have a fear of commitment.
okay, no i don't.
i have a fear of intimacy.
there you go.

i think my fear has been long developed from a desire to please most that i am in contact with. i do not desire to be a failure to anyone. i do not want to be a failure to myself.
how can one judge success anyhow?
can successes be self analyzed?
can success be measured in a vacuum?
i do not think so.
i think success has to be gauged against a failure,
whether actual or theoretical.
what i find funny is,
while one gauges himself against the next failure,
he often is being gauged as a failure himself.


don't get me wrong.
i love pussy as much as the next man.
what i don't like is
the care instructions imprinted on the pussy tag.
sure, my penis has care instructions on it as well
but
i'd rather see to it that
the pussy in my immediate care gets tended to properly.
funny thing is,
just like at various dry cleaners,
all care instructions are regarded the same,
regardless of the garment to which it is attached.
i have got to find someone who will handle my cleaning properly.
i also got to make sure i turn my garments in
"satisfactory condition"

i feel that true satisfaction is not a result of what happens to you or around you but what happens in you. i have found what i perceive to be true satisfaction in what other people would describe living hell. i think it is because i am a glutton for self imposed punishment at times, other times its because i feel that tough times build character and i love to survive tough times. I am coming to a point in my life that i am seeking that satisfactory condition. the question is, can i be satisfied with no one to bear a witness? the john donne "no man is an island" theory at work once again.

lawdamercy