dear potential friend (31AUG03)

dear potential friend,
do not deal with me. my soul is corrupt. malice and contmpt for the living is what my existence has descended to. society unknowingly worships the evil that men do; i am the evil men that do. it is not that i love to hate as much as it is that i hate to love. pain and suffering may not be what i deserve, but these are the vices that provide me with the most comfort. please shed no tears for my lack of societal well being. i sleep well, every night, with the comfort of knowledge that if my last day has been lived, i have lived it well. each day i pray; i thank GOD for fresh air, food and shelter, and the beauty of the world that is ever omnipotent. in the same breath that i thank GOD for the beauty of the rose, i thank GOD for the pain it inflicts when its thorns pierce my flesh, causing pain and suffering. it is that pain which makes me feel more alive than the beauty of the inflicting body. why is it that pain and suffering are prerequisites for the events which mark the evolution of my being? why is it that, more often than not, i choose not to be, rather than be? the calm before the storm is the precursor to rain. i embrace rain with open arms.