the blog...

i have been neglecting this blog for a minute.
the main reason for that action is rather stupid.
i have been embarrassed that people have been reading it.
the audience of this blog has always been myself;
publishng it on the www makes it accessible to many.
i never thought that anyone would have the desire to inquire what i felt.
to those who read this blog:
I am just a man.
i cannot apologize for who i am.

first and foremost i am saddened by my daughter going back to live with her mother.
i would never be able to keep her from her mother, no matter how i feel about the woman.
i just feel a little selfish wanting the kid all to myself.
instead of feeling that way, i try to make the most of the time that we spend together.
i know that my time with her is limited.
i know that any moment could be the last that i spend with her.
i try to be patient and loving and caring etc.
at the same time, i want to be her everything. i cannot.
i will let her go. in the meantime. i will be the best man that i can be.
then again.
i always do, no matter who is watching.
that leads me to my next subject.

i have painted my self into a corner.
i have estranged myself from most.
anyone who really cares will make themselves known.
i have no time to pursue negative relationships with others who could care less about my well being.
relationships with those who attempt to identiy my position or direction as other than what i have identified for myself, well, fuck em.
i am a grown ass man.
i have been through alot and i hope the is more left in this world to experience.
until then, if you aint got time;
if you are not objective;
if you want to live your life vicariously through mine...
get a life- mine is occupied.

I am really digging the new world danger by mos def

i definitely am undersexed.
sometimes i seem to be a self expert on the subject.
infact, i realize, i am a theorist.
i never have experienced alot of the sexual experiences that many have.
is my desire to be more sexual?
not really. Especially if i cannot share those experienes with a woman which i embrace her soul as well as her body.
until then, my self imposed deprivation willk continue.
my soul remains a virgin.
ps fuck you (you know who you are)