reminiscant ruminations

i alway want to be where i am not

this is definitely going to a recurring theme for me
i found something cool today
a long term and short term goals list from 2001

short term

• send skates to daughter
• send pics to mother
• pay traffic tickets
• go to church
• no more drinking
• get car insurance
• get dental care
• write letters
• pray
• exercise
• work on hobby
• pay phone bill
• pay school loan
• do music

long term

• stay @ church
• no more drinking
• be understanding with wife
• get better job with health insurance
• take medicine
• move south
• be family man
• pray
• develop a plan to stop smoking

the red is what i did not accomplish.

not bad huh.

in my effort to reflect, i want to post something that i wrote early in 2002

i read an interesting novel yesturday. it eas entitled Candide, written by a frenchman by the name of Voltaire. it is the story of a young man who travels around the world in search of a lost love. his main ideology is similar to his former philosophy tutor which is, "all is for the best in all worlds". that basically means that everything that happens in life is because it is all sort of cosmic plan which no one can control. the book seemed to contradict this basic philosophy with its tales of negative fate and falls from grace. being written in 1759, it was easy to understand and very entertaining. short as well, but not overlooking anything. i mainly take with me this thought: everyone has a sad story. whos is the saddest? who knows. man has the habit of judging the events of his life on the standard of zero. when things are positive, no one notices. when things are negative, people take notice. i realized this when i read the novel, recognizing that there were times when things seemed to be going well and no one ever recognized. it only seemed that said recognition came when things were negative. i summate with the following statement:

everyone's life story is a tragedy. everyones life story is a comedy. they are the same lives, the only difference is which way your ray of perception faces from the standard of zero.

i remember reading that book. i was candide. i was homeless, living off of little debbie snack cakes and malt liquor. those were the days...i discovered the meaning of life then.