i dont know why...

here i am
feeling the way i normally feel,
depressed.
i dont know how i remain in an eternal funk
but,
i do.
i feel as if i am never in the right places
doing the right things
with the right people.
i digress.
i remember being @ war...
i felt comfort in that
i could die anytime
but dying is never enough
dying is easy
i want to die with honor
honor is difficult to come by
i come into this eternal conflict with self
i desire the approval of others
yet
i want no one to interfere in my life
maybe i can be an island unto myself
on reality television...

with my luck
i would live forever
in syndication