slaughterhouse 5

i just got done reading slaughterhouse 5, by Kurt Vonnegut and i wanted to share my thoughts of what i read. keep in mind, i am no literary genius. i have a feeling most authors don't write for criticism anyway; they write for enjoyment of expression. still, i digress.

the book can be described as three different stories all united in the concept of time perception. as we perceive, the concept of time is basically arranged as numbers on a number line. the present time is marked as a zero on the number line, the future time is marked by positive numbers on a numberline and the past by negative numbers. now, we see time in linear progression; that is, one number at a time, in either direction on the number line starting from zero. imagine what it would be like to see all moments in time as one moment. that is what it would be like if we had control of perception into the forth dimension...

what could one gain from being able to see all points of time at once? could you imagine living your life not differentiating between birth and death or youth and old age? could the mind fathom that knowledge of the future is inevitable, unchangeable and forseeable at the same time? would it be enjoyable not to be able to just reminisce but actually live all moments in the past simultaneously? it seems to me, the concept of time moving in a forward motion, towards an inevitable destiny gives greater meaning to day to day activities, especially if the future remains unknown and the past to be selectively reveled. it would be akward to be able to focus all of your attention on one moment, for an extendd period of time, while other moments not only wait to happen, but have already happened. i'd be at my first birthday party for days, or at my first girlfriends house for weeks. hindsight would be 20/20, but what could you do about it? trough a known destiny, the future is unchangeable. if you were to die in a car crash, you could live that moment as long as you like. if you failed to kiss your significant other before you left the house, you cant go back and change that. what is the use of being able to see the past and the future and not be able to let that knowledge work for me?

i musta been smoking that good shit, huh?

Let's talk about time traveling,
rhyme javelin...
- Andre 3000

i could go on forever...

if i de-sensitize my head
i could go on forever...

i could be an eternal champion in the bedroom,
but why?
the best part of sex comes at the end.

i once heard
if you put cocaine
on the head
of your penis
it makes sex awesome...
i.
just.
say.
no.

really,
why do i
desire to feel anything
to sense,
observe,
react?

if i de-sensitize my head
i could go on forever...

pfc. lynndie england
was insensitive.
don't point at my penis!
dont make me wear a leash!
okay.
but
this is the last time!~

all i need
baby girl
is a little bit.
not alot
baby girl
just a little bit.

ivan pavlov
is the definitive representatation
of the neccesity to be
de-sensitized.
you stimulate,
i respond.
i have no idea why i need this
stimulation.
can i live with out it?
ring the bell.
i salivate.



nowthatsfuckedup.com/ ogrish.com
are the epitome of insensitivity.
however
they have their stimulation levels high!
sex and violence
simultaneously
pollute my mind.
entertainment...

if i de-sensitize my head
i could go on forever...

from
duck hunt
to
grand theft auto san andreas
i go from
recreational hunting
to
beating hookers for fun.

all i need
baby girl
is a little bit.
not alot
baby girl
just a little bit.

life is so stimulating!
the best part of stimulation
comes at the end.















that wouldn't hurt
if you weren't
so
sensitive.

the little things

i appreciate the little things in life more as i get older.
some things that i have appreciated as of late follow:
sleeping in my own bed
getting a personal letter
listening to my own playlist
pretty girls smiling at me
shitting in my own toilet
"undiscovered" old music thats better than the new
hearing from a long lost friend
witnessing the change of the seasons
making my own recipes
dancing in my living room
finishing a great novel
learning something new
getting some new shoes
laughing at myself

my sister's getting married, in hawaii, on the first of the month.
i sent her what i felt was a nice gift.
i am a love hater.
i hope she has found what she has been looking for.
she's gives the facade of one who like to be alone
but
i know better.
i would have loved to visit hawaii.
i have a couple of war buddies that live there.

funny,
i have war buddies.
i will have more
sooner than i would like.

satisfactory condition

time for confession.
i have a fear of commitment.
okay, no i don't.
i have a fear of intimacy.
there you go.

i think my fear has been long developed from a desire to please most that i am in contact with. i do not desire to be a failure to anyone. i do not want to be a failure to myself.
how can one judge success anyhow?
can successes be self analyzed?
can success be measured in a vacuum?
i do not think so.
i think success has to be gauged against a failure,
whether actual or theoretical.
what i find funny is,
while one gauges himself against the next failure,
he often is being gauged as a failure himself.


don't get me wrong.
i love pussy as much as the next man.
what i don't like is
the care instructions imprinted on the pussy tag.
sure, my penis has care instructions on it as well
but
i'd rather see to it that
the pussy in my immediate care gets tended to properly.
funny thing is,
just like at various dry cleaners,
all care instructions are regarded the same,
regardless of the garment to which it is attached.
i have got to find someone who will handle my cleaning properly.
i also got to make sure i turn my garments in
"satisfactory condition"

i feel that true satisfaction is not a result of what happens to you or around you but what happens in you. i have found what i perceive to be true satisfaction in what other people would describe living hell. i think it is because i am a glutton for self imposed punishment at times, other times its because i feel that tough times build character and i love to survive tough times. I am coming to a point in my life that i am seeking that satisfactory condition. the question is, can i be satisfied with no one to bear a witness? the john donne "no man is an island" theory at work once again.

lawdamercy