why am i a bad blogger

why?
am i a bad blogger?
why am i a bad blogger.

i just learned what a blog was after my first tour in iraq.
it has totally changed the way i view the internet.
i was told that would happen beforehand.
i expected it.

i learned of what a blog was from someine who's blog address i inadvertantly discovered through browsing the net, probably looking for pics of naked women. i discovered a site that linked several peoples blogs together. one blog took me by suprise...

this blog was raw in essence.
it captured a view of a person that i had never been exposed to.
it was like looking into a persons eyes
and not seeing their thoughts
but
their soul.
this blog represented a person who was a work in progress
striving for the essense of perfection
while recognizing the flaws of humanity.
this blog represented the internal struggle
of moral presence and
the desire to live in extravagance and decadance.
this blog was for the sexy grown folks.
i was hooked.
i responded to the blog:
how do you bear your soul
without being embarrased.
she responded:
something along the effects,
do you, fuck the world...

i was hooked on this blog.
i read it everyday.
when i was at work
i couldn't stop thinking of this blog.
its essence made me masturbate.
it was nudity with no shame.
it was farting in a crowded elevator.
it was accepted public indecency.
it was cussing your boss out.
it was what i wanted to be.

i started writing my own blog then.
as most virgins
the biggest problem i had,
was
am i doing it right?
i thought there was no right way.
do you, fuck the world...

i did.
i wrote as if no one was looking.
i wrote if no one else existed.
i looked at my creation.
it was good.

i desired for someone,
anyone,
everyone,
give my existance validity!
look what i done did!
isn't it pretty!
then i realized,
the mona lisa really has a busted ass grill.
it is cool to smile in the mirror
with sincerity
even if you have spinach in your teeth.
the second someone else sees it....
that's the end of,
do you, fuck the world...

this has to get better.

being intimate
sharing your soul
is easier with stangers than friends.
at this point,
the virgin recognizes to cover herself with a fig leaf.

then i realized that people will respond
in ways
that embarrass me
more than i embarrass myself.
it's almost like whipping out your dick
for an evening of intimacy
to get greeted with a chuckle.
you wish you didn't whip it out...
but
at the same time you want to prove its might!
intimate blogging is not a contest.
what do i know?

i started surfing blogs more...
especially the blogs of those with similar interests
or those who responded to my blog.
i recognized that there are rules and etiquette
and styles
to how you should blog.
people do things like:
blog tag
post pictures
cross link
respond to individual posts
form networks
memes (which i dont know what that is yet)
lists
surveys
videos
commentary
critique
i then realized that blogging is a wonderful thing.
blogging is a diverse thing.
i will never blog correctly.
i wish i couldjust scream,
do you, fuck the world...

i want everyone to look at me
give me validity
tell me i am worthy of something.
but it is hard to look at ones self at times.
even if you already believe you are the shit.
i am not good at being pretentious.

what i do know is:
people may read your blog and know you better.
some things you dont want to reveal to all people.
i refuse to edit or proofread this post.
it really is for my audience of one.
blackcaesar,
do you, fuck the world...