to be a veteran.

this a picture of me right before i deployed to iraq. my uniform was so clean!!! i had no idea what to expect when i went to war. i was open minded. i imagined that going to war, i would see what man would do in light of the relative mortality of man. i concluded the obvious. war is hell. in the descent to hell and its relative environments, the savage nature of man can no longer be hidden beneath a veil of civilized behavior. the animalistic instincts of man come to surface, and basic instincts prevail.

to be a soldier is to not be a polititian. to debate the politics that keep me in a time of peace or a time of war may interfere with wy internal debate to kill or be killed, which i must focus on... that does not mean that i am not aware of the relative victories and transgressions of policy and decision makers. i still vote.

to be a soldier is to be a philosopher. the balance between life and death is intertwined in every action that a soldier performs. for a soldier, life or death is not theoretical, it is actual. when one is faced with the prospect of wielding such power, questions such as " why am i here?" or "what is the meaning of life?" are actually not theoretical anymore; they are actual. Questions like, "is it better to loved or feared?" are everyday conflicts when one lives a life where relative discipline will directly reflect life or death of you and your brothers in arms.

to be a soldier is to be a psychologist. you always have to try to determine the mindset of everyone around you. anyone can need psychological support or defense from psychotic actions of others. suicide, homicide, fratricide, depression, anxiety, fear, love, hatred, animosity, remorse, disgust, thankfulness, and relief, can occupy your mind all at the same time. the mind is a tangle similar to spaghetti noodles on a plate. to be a soldier is to keep you noodles on the plate.

soldiers die. i wish restful peace to the soldiers that have served by my side, that are no longer her to do the things that i took for advantage before i went to war. i will not call these soldiers by name, but will use the philosophy of one of my favorite movies, fight club, to declare my sentiment.
soldier's are often nameless.
through death, a soldiers name lives on...
if death has a name, i will call him robert paulsen.
Rest in Peace
Robert Paulsen.

this a picture of me and my comrade in arms: chaos and blackcaesar after returning from war.
in reflection on veterans day,
blackcaesar.