blackcaesar
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Saturday, July 23, 2005

buy myself/ rambling...

okay, i admit, i buy flowers. i buy them for myself. i use them to make my apartment brighter, smell and look better. it is too sad that genetic modification has rendered most cut flowers available to the retail market smell-less, due to cross pollination issues. they still will remove CO2 from the environment and replaceit with raw O2. O2 gets me high on life.
It never fails, when i buy flowers, some woman will comment on the concept that i am buying them for some female. either i have three lovely women to cater too (i buy three bunches a week) or i am in a hell of a lot of trouble with one particular female. Neither is ever the case. In fact, i would never buy flowers for a woman again, it is too cliche. I like too have flowers in my home to boost my mood. flowers represent a particular ideology to which i subscribe. "flowers attract bees, and bees like to sting". in this concept, i respect the beauty of the world, but at the same time i recognize the existance of the relative pain that coexists within...

besides, i have no woman to buy flowers for anyhow.


icant stand women/ i love women.
i feel alot of times the downfalls of being in a relationship with a woman outweighs the benefits. in my perfect realm of existance, a man meets a woman, falls in love with a woman, shares his life with a woman, and lives happily ever after. NOT!!! Man never realizes the price of said relationships if the woman has a change of heart. f a woman with whom a man has pledged to share his life with (particularly through the institution of marriage), decides that she wants to get up and leave, for any reason whatsover, a man will be designated to give a woman a portion of his relative earnings and a portion of whatever materials he may have accumulated, regardless of what means the materials were acquired. That is to insure that the woman will remain comfortable by any means. When a man and woman are joined by the bond of holy matrimony, it is a mans duty to provide happiness for his bride or else, she will leave and the first scenario will be revisited. if, by chance, the woman stays, it will cost the man; the cost is irrelevent to the happiness of the man. Do not let there be any children in the mix!!! Having children in the mix will guarantee that you will forever be responsible for providing clothing food and shelter for said woman, even if she is not raising the kid!!! the best thing the goverment could have done to keep population booming in its land was to make it profitable for women to have children. If only men would realize that the cost of female interactions can and should be considered a viable means of birth control. You WILL pay for the pussy one way or another. No wonder prostitution has always been around. fuck a woman, but i do love the pussy. i really like everything about a woman from afar
the way a woman is built,
smells,
walks,
sounds,
feels,
tastes,
smiles.
i love the sight of a woman bent over the sink, doing dishes;
i like flirting with the female cashier when its time to pay;
i love the sight of a woman in uniform;
i hate to see a woman cry;
i love the sight of a pregnant woman;
i like any hairstyle a woman could have, even bald.
i like the sensous curves of a woman's midsection, no matter her size.
i love the sight of someone elses woman.
i love a long legged woman.
it is easy to find so much to like about a woman when she isn't concerned or determined to facilitate your downfall. infortunately, i attribute that quality to most woman i meet.
it is for that reason i have become increasingly self sufficient. My mamma always told me to never depend a woman to cook and clean, etcetera for you or you will always be indebted and/ or reliant on a woman for yor existance. i'll never let it happen. Sadly, most woman i meet will take offense at my self sufficient ways. A woman will try to find a way to fit in to a relationship and mostly is will be doing the womanly things that she think will make her seem feminine in the eyes of her suitor. i never meant to lessen a woman's importance but i can pay my own bills, cook , clean, etcetera... i just cannot reproduce by myself. don't get ot twisted though. i could always mentor someone elses child. hence, satisfying my fatherly needs.

Still i will always find a spot for a woman in my life.
in my heartbreak hotel,
i got room for one.

On a different note. My soldiers are going AWOL at an alarming rate. Alcohol abuse among the ranks remains high. Depression and a loss of self is omnipotent. I am glad none have committes suicide. i think it is inevitable that one of my soldiers is on the verge.



why blackcaesar?
the evil that men do lives after them
the good is oft interred with their bones.
-billy shakespeare (paraphrased)

Saturday, July 16, 2005

confessions of a shoe whore

okay i admit it.
i am a shoe whore.
judge me by it if you will
but the fact remains that i have more shoes than i need
and
i desire more.
it all started out 1n 198x
when my mother bought my first pair of
burgundy on white/ white, low nikes
from fayva...
fair but not great.
i then became the BK "british knights" bandit.
(boy does that date me)
all the while i wished i had those ubiquitous
filas in many flavors
and
similarly flavored troops (oops!)
and
suede pumas (yikes!)
and
shell toe adidas (superstar!)

by far the far
my favorite shoe ever
was
the patent leather, 3/4 height white on blue/ red adidas concords...

now
i have
more shoes than i need
and i need more?
i need more.
i have:
3 pairs of white on white/ white or grey or silver jordan retros IV, IX, XIII
1 pair black on black/ silver team jordans
2 pairs of shell toe adidas, one 3/4 white on white/ white superstars, the other 3/4 white on carolina blue snakeskin/ white
2 pairs of timberlands, one white, blue, grey, carolina blue on navy / white, and the other, burgundy on football leather/ white and black
3 pairs of lugs waallabee style in sand, red with black, and black
2 pairs od reebok classic cross trainers low, one white with silver marble ripple, the other white with red transparent ripple
1 pair of adidas low concords red on perforated white/ white
1 pair brown/ black kangol oxford classics
1 pair of black on black guess dress boots with rugged sole
1 pair black low kenneth cole dress
1 pair cognac stacy adams dress
1 pair cognac lugz, boot, wallabee style (they get better with age)
1 pair of brown stacy adams high jean boots (side zipper)
1 pair tan/ black perry ellis casuals
1 pair toffe trezeta hiking shoes
1 pair of lawn mowing boots
1 pair nike shoks for running
1 pair of nike air running (see above)
1 pai patent leather oxfords, low
2 pairs of combat boots cold weather, (two desert sand suede and one black
7 total pairs of combat boots, temperate weather, 5 desert sand suede 2 black [one has ripple sole])
1 pair of turf cleats for rugby.
1 pair of chocolate / black clarks sandals, birkenstock style
1 pair of addidas flip flops with bumpy insoles black with white.
i think that is thirty eight pairs...
i stiil desire a pair of blue and white sneakers
a pair of blue and yellow sneakers
a pair of brown kenneth cole dress
a pair of wheat timbs
a pair of gladiator sandals
and a pair of whit on white shells low (to be worn with timberland laces)

i am such a whore and i feel so dirty...
imagine what my closet looks like!

tonight i will go out and get drunk
hopefully with the company of some females that shall go unnamed (i don't know them yet)
wearing:
a pair of timberlands, white, blue, grey, carolina blue on navy / white
a french blue, french cuff dress shirt with silver "laugh now cry later" theater mask cufflinks
a pair of Calvin Klein, straight leg black/ blue wash jeans (if you ever see the size of my thighs, you would know i have no business rocking straight leg jeans, but i pull these off completely if my weight is under 190. the cut makes me look taller.)
my summer fragarance was Calvin Klein obsession but i will rock polo blue tonight.
silver on silver kenneth cole watch
square silver with onyx stripes ring
pimped samsung d415 with faux gucci case
navy blue kangol summer driving cap
and
my man in a maze silver money clip (fiiled to the brim!)
i might change to the vintage playboy cufflinks and the movado if i am really feeling it.
i will be drinking and riding solo, so the cadillacs will stay at home
(cabs are better for local one night stands, so i've heard)
i will either be drinking patron anejo and coronas
or long island ice teas and heinekens
i lean more towards the latter
i really wish i could drink vodka lemonades. that is such a practical drink for the summer time. more bartenders should recognize.
i am in the market for blazers for the fall, ssummer is the best time to buy them on sale. they will be last years models, but, with keen fashion sense, one can pick the ones that will stand the test of time. i'd like to find one of those joints with the patch elbows; navy tweed with tobacco suede patches would be nice...
living as a bachlor is so different from living as a single father. i still miss the kid *smile*.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Tradition

I don't ever want to be in the position
where I'm following the others
even if the others
follow the tradition.
- blackcaesar

well, I have to admit, I am susceptible to nostalgia in a way.
as I get older, I reminisce of the little things that made me feel so alive.
I always yearn to share those things with those close to me.

I remember:
- the smell of my grandmother's freshly baked molasses cookies.
- chasing, catching or merely watching fireflies.
- sharing cassettes of recorded radio hip hop show with friends.
- lacing my sneakers.
- road trips with my sisters.
- making "forts" in the living room with blankets.
- breakfast with my mama.
- riding my bicycle as far as I could with friends.
- playing with my cousins while my parents played cards with their brothers/ sisters.
- waiting in line with my family to ride a scary rollercoaster.
- falling asleep while my parents listened to their favorite songs.
- watching scary movies that I had no business watching.

those things made me feel so alive.
the little things in life are cool
when they are shared.
that's why holidays are the best thing that man has ever created.
no somuch for the event itself,
but,
the precious traditions that are related.

people often get entangled in reveling, the reason for the season.
the broad picture is often composed of many intricate stokes of life.
the goal often overshadows the journey.

*today, my mood is: long live longevity.*

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Johnny Cash- Hurt

here's something that I really feel:

Johnny Cash- Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hold
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
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